Making decisions in grief
It’s really, really hard to make decisions these days. Things kind of just have to be thrown at me and I’ll either duck out of the way, or get hit by them and incorporate whatever it is into my day....
View ArticleMemorials, anxiety, and the bunny
We were showered with love this weekend. We held a small, private memorial for Henry. It was my first social event since mid-September, and I was really happy to see friends and family, some who...
View ArticleDays are passing
It’s so funny how time continues on. The idea that time heals. We progress as a species (or not), learn and grow over time. One thing separating us from the lives of people thousands of years ago is...
View ArticleBaby pictures
I don’t know why I do it – my friends on facebook who have babies – why do I always look at their pictures? I don’t have to. I don’t even want to. But there I go, flipping one after the other, actually...
View ArticleThe idiot receptionist and the locket
My locket finally arrived today. It’s a little bigger than I expected, but it’s pretty and I know I’ll wear it forever because I’m going to put some of Henry’s ashes in it, so I’ll always have a bit of...
View ArticleCrying on the phone to government agents (a rant)
My baby is dead. I’m unemployed, and now, I owe the Canadian government over $2,000 because of a mistake they made on my file for receiving employment insurance (EI)… MY money that I earned while I was...
View ArticleMy life as a ciché
I have always scoffed at cliches and generalizations. You can’t lump a life’s experience into a few simple catch phrases, and you can’t assume anything about anyone else’s life, minimizing their joys...
View ArticleExtreme challenge!
I’ve been making to-do lists and actually (mostly) successfully doing everything on them. It’s been a hectic week, what with Dumdum idiot-face the receptionist, the EI folks, etc. It’s nearly lead me...
View ArticleGrief’s surprising physical effects / lazy Mel
One thing that took me by surprise is the lack of physical endurance I now have. Sitting on my bum without motivation to do anything has taken its toll. I have rekindled my social life, and had a...
View ArticleTwo months ago
Two months ago, I gave birth. Part of me will always be in that delivery room on the fourth floor of Sainte Justine Hospital, across from the nursing station, in one of the newly renovated rooms for...
View ArticleThe pain is part of me
Not to sound melodramatic, or like I should write 90′s goth songs, but, yeah, this pain is now a part of me. Like shoving an octagon into a small, square box. It bulges at the sides. It’s a silent...
View ArticleThoughts on a bad cliché
I was doing some pottery in my dusty, cold, dark basement today. My fingers are chilled to the bone, and the poor lighting made me mistake my long-cut bangs as movements in the shadows just outside my...
View ArticleA dark day for Connecticut
Losing a child is the most devastating thing someone can experience. Today, through the actions of a person who was seriously in need of help, in an elementary school in Connecticut, the parents of 26...
View ArticleWhere are the angels?
I went to seven different stores this weekend to look for an angel ornament to give to a relative for Christmas so that they wouldn’t forget about Henry. I eventually found one, and it’s so beautiful...
View ArticleSelf-pity, my old friend
The walls that have comforted me these last months have now become too snug, and I find myself wallowing in self-pity today. I will have to fight and claw to get out of it. The walls surrounding my pit...
View ArticleBanality of body image
It feels weird to write about something as banal as body image in the wake of a child loss tragedy (mine, Connecticut’s, yours, maybe). But I’ve read a few posts about it on Still Standing Magazine’s...
View ArticleAftermath of a sh*t year
It may not have been an all-encompassing shitty year, but the events at the end of the ninth month have not only overshadowed any wondrous accomplishments (getting some pretty cool jobs, especially one...
View Article2012 in review
Here’s something fun (for a change?!). WordPress has compiled a year-end infographic of my blog – how sweet! It’s nice to have a step-back to see how my blogging about Henry has evolved. I look back...
View ArticleYes, this is Mother
My child may be dead, but I am a mother. So, mother’s day and all that – yep, I count. I nurtured and delivered a whole human. My water broke, then the placenta was delivered, and in between was a...
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